People of the Sky.

I’ve been on 31 flights since the beginning of 2022. 31 times standing in a security line (okay, maybe I have TSA Pre-Check and Clear so I don’t technically stand in a line but you get the point), 31 times purchasing a Smart Water that I usually don’t drink much of until I get to my destination, 31 times standing in line to board, 31 times buckling myself in and 31 times of pretty much falling asleep the millisecond that seatbelt buckle is secure. In fact, I’m sitting on a plane as I type this. Destination - Burbank. Purpose - sister’s baby shower. Duration - 27 hours.

I love to travel. I love experiencing new things and seeing new cities. And when I’m traveling back and forth to California, I love looking forward to seeing my people. But good lord, I’m tired. So.many.airports. Here’s the silver lining - starting tomorrow when I get back to Dallas, I get to be home for 12 days straight before my next plane ride, which hasn’t happened since March. In 12 days, the next flight happens, followed by another 15 already planned for the rest of the year. ZOINKS. I sleepy.

All of this time spent in airports and planes has given me ample time to observe the people around me. People I’ve affectionally nicknamed - the People of the Sky. You know these people. You’ve inevitably sat next to them, stood behind them or commiserated with them when your plane was delayed.

There’s the guy that has coins, his cell phone and wallet, and a huge metal belt buckle on as he tries to go through security. Sir, each one of those things will sound the alarm. Back up, put that shit in the little bowl on the conveyer belt and try again.

Up next is the woman who isn’t self aware enough to step out of the aisle while there is 87 people behind her trying to get to their seat. Ma’am, I know your chapstick is super important to put on while you’re standing there, but would you mind scooching over just a smidge so I can suck in my gut, think thin and try to squeeze by? Please and thank you.

Then you have the family of 5. Two adults, three teenagers with their earbuds in. Mom is trying to get the kids to pay attention while she explains the plan to them and Dad is trying to shove his wife’s purse into his already-full backpack because she has three carry-on items and is only allowed two. Bro, probably not going to work out, but I wish you the best of luck.

You can’t forget the grandmother traveling with a child no more than three or four and letting them listen to their iPad on full volume because their headphones aren’t compatible with said iPad. Grandma, if I can hear Encanto playing even though I have noise cancelling earbuds in, it’s too loud. Little Billy has probably seen it 613 times and can recite it without the volume, so let’s give that a try.

Then there’s Middle Seat Guy. Middle Seat Guy has his entire body spread out like he’s actively trying to take up as much space as humanly possible. Why is your leg touching mine? Why is your arm touching mine? I’ll lean against the window to give you a little more space, but it feels like you’re abusing that privilege. Please don’t make me passive aggressively bump your shoulder to send a message.

What about the woman who shoots out of her seat the moment we get to the gate, struggles as she yanks her suitcase out of the overhead bin and then plows past everyone to get off the plane sooner than she should? She’s my favorite kind of traveler. Excuse me, miss? Wait your turn. Simple as that.

And last but not least, the middle-aged guy who just sits there and stares straight ahead the entire flight. No book, no music, no computer. Good god aren’t you bored?! I’d be dying if I were you. Want to read my People magazine? I don’t typically share them, but I’ll make an exception for someone as desperate as you should be.

To the People of the Sky, I thank you. Thank you for providing me with endless stories and entertainment that I can share with my friends. And thank you for reminding me how to be a better traveler than you, because I’d never want to be the subject of someone else’s blog post.

And enjoy this picture of my standard airplane situation. Leggings, water and an iPad. First a nap, then a movie and maybe a little bit of blogging is in store for me.