Death by Suitcase.

I almost died last week. From a luggage cart. In a hotel lobby. Death by suitcase, what a way to go.

So there I am, about noon on a Sunday, standing in a hotel lobby, patiently waiting to be called to the counter to check into my room. I have my stuffed-to-the-brim suitcase next to me with my purse sitting on top (also stuffed-to-the-brim). I’m scrolling through emails on my phone and out of the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of gold. I look up to my left and there is a luggage cart flying towards me at a speed far too fast for a hotel lobby. It too was stuffed-to-the-brim so the man driving it had zero visibility that I was standing there. I make noises similar to what I suspect you’d hear a monkey make (a high pitched “ooh ooh ooh”), put my arm out to block it and step backward. He comes screeching to a halt just before he plows into me and I swear to God, the look on his face was so mortified that I actually felt bad for him. Profuse apologies came next, followed by the man’s pre-teen son giving him a hard time for nearly killing, as he put it, “that tall lady.”

After I emotionally recovered from my near death experience, I finished checking into my room, watched the young lady write my room number on the little paper envelope, stopped into the hotel market to buy yet another unnecessarily expensive bottle of Smart Water (I already bought one at the airport), rolled my Away suitcase into the elevator and got settled in my room.

I am in hotels often. Not as often as some people, but compared to the average American, I’m in them often. I have my routine and know what I do and don’t like. I quickly figure out if I can walk to dinner or if I have to Uber and I make sure to do a lap around the lobby to check out the market (do they have Oreos?), the bar (will they let me take a glass of wine up to my room?), the business center (can I print my presentation here?) and the coffee shop (may I please have a nonfat no-foam vanilla latte?). What can I say? I like to know what I’m dealing with; let’s call it expectations management.

Some of my favorite blog posts that I’ve written are the ones where I write little stories about the people around me. People in a bar. People on a plane. People I call best friends. So, I decided to write another one; people of the hotel.

First up, a very common hotel lobby sighting; the guy there on business. He’s on the road approximately 273 days a year, is a professional packer and unpacker and knows every airport in America like the back of his hand, making him the world’s most efficient traveler. If you’re ever deciding which security line to choose at the airport, choose the line that this guy is in. I promise, fastest security line ever. He checks into the hotel in record time, likely because of his preferred status. Jeans, a button down shirt and a blazer. Nice shoes and a backpack. You’ll often find this guy at the end of the bar on his computer, usually sitting across from me as I too clickety clack away on my keyboard. You’ll also see him in the lobby coffee line the next morning with damp hair, headed to his meetings.

Next has to be the bachelorette party. Depending on which city you’re in will immediately tell you what kind of bachelorette party we’re dealing with. Are you in Sedona, Napa, or Palm Springs? Then no doubt those girls have facials and massages scheduled at an overpriced spa followed by sipping rosé during a low key day in the pool. This is my current preferred bachelorette party agenda. Then there’s the Vegas, Nashville, or New Orleans bachelorette girls. Matching outfits, likely the bride’s in white and everyone else is in black. The bride is wearing a sash that says “Bride To Be” and she’s a little wobbly in her uncomfortable heels because her friends have given her several blow job shots (yes, those are a real thing). This was my preferred bachelorette party agenda during my 20’s but good lord I’m tired just thinking about it now.

Let’s not forget everyone’s favorite, the family wearing matching neon green “Smith Family Reunion 2022” shirts. And if you’re anywhere within a ten mile radius of any Disney property, they’ve all got Mickey or Minnie ears on. There’s Grandma and Grandpa, their 3 adult children, their spouses, their 5 married grandchildren and their spouses, their single grandson and their single granddaughter who are looking for the bar (every group has them) and their 11 great-grandchildren jumping off the walls like little spider-monkeys who just ate cotton candy. A whopping 31 people traipsing through the hotel lobby pushing, or being pushed in strollers, looking like human glow sticks.

Then there’s the coworkers. These coworkers don’t know each other all that well, but just hosted a client dinner, drank a few too many glasses of Cab, declared themselves “work besties” and then thought it was a good idea to make a late night pit stop in the hotel lobby bar for “just one more.” For inquiring minds, it’s never, ever, a good idea to make a pit stop for “just one more.” Literally never. Get it together, ladies. You’re giving the biggest, most important presentation of the year at 8:15am tomorrow. Probably a good time to call it a night.

And last but not least, the nice couple just there for a little getaway. There’s not much to write home about with these two. They are just going to have a couple nice dinners, do a little sightseeing planned and generally just trying to relax a little bit. Whether they’ve been together 42 days or 42 years, it’s lovely to watch them just enjoy each other. I always write my stories about the crazies, but there’s something sweet about these people. Simple. Not in a boring way, but in an easy way. We all need a little more simple in our life, yours truly included.

Whether it’s for work or play, get into those hotel lobbies. Those hotel lobbies represent adventure. They represent hard work. They represent a world outside of your day to day and that alone can bring some mental relief. Those hotel lobbies give you fun. They give you change. And they definitely, definitely, give you good people watching.